I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
