Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
