the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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