My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
