I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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