When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
