so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I just sharted jello shots
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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