you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You pole danced in your parka.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
