I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize