I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Less talking, more tequila
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
