As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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