Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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