so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
