Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just found puke in my bra..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
