Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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