And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
