So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
