Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
