paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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