I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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