just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
