Where is the hickey?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
