Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
