I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize