My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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