Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
