Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
