She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
