I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
