You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
