found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
