Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
