On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My cat gives me a boner
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize