Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Did I show you my penis last night?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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