So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was confusing and full of hummus
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
