I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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