Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
