shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
