Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
