naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
