you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
