And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
