can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
honey bunches of taint.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Randomize
