You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
