the condom got lost in my hair
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
