Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
