You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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