I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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