bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
