I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
