i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I love having hate sex.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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