weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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