you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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