He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize