A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
