I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize