I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
