ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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