I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
