is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
