we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
