i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize