i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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