I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
