Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
