I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You work out of a Hotel?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
