"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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