3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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