It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
