Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
