Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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