Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize