The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize