So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
