Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
