dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
