they need to just BURY HIM!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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