Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sober January is a disaster.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
