Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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