idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
