I CAN MOONWALK!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
