shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize