Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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