her vagine was all disorganized.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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