tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He shit in the fireplace
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
