OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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