I think I won the penis lottery.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
