AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
