I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
