i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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