we made out on top of his cat.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
